13 June 2019: 8H30 PM
I am sitting in this bus of which should’ve been a plane, but the universe said no my girl I want you to experience this journey as organic as I can make it to be, because oh well your ass cannot walk all the way to Kapa and the clouds will rob you of these amazing mountains and rivers. I left everything in Durban friends, family, and my school to pursue a dream and oh well!! (Rolling eyes) next week school is out seeing it in August man, I keep thinking “yazi am I making the right decision/ choice? Phela my thoughts are in venac (HOW DO YOU SPELL VANAC KONJE?, IsiZulu, Isingisi (ENGLISH) and yes IsiXhosa. But I am feeling positive about my decisions, I am positive about this journey …just an old sweet song keeps Cape Town on my mind (Ray Charles’s Georgia playing in these headphones) Cape Town on my mind. I told myself I am going after every opportunity that presents itself to me, oh shit what if at Orms I become a weirdo and social anxiety fucks with me? Thalente don’t use that language your mom’s mother taught not to curse that is a bad habit. Hey Christian woman, I call my grandmother, I hope you won’t mind making a photographic series about my experiences with you and about you, because you have been here in my heart guiding me since your passing in 2004 (ngiyakuthanda Khulu maNgcobo) should I translate this? Oh no google it!! Ive googled most words and language I don’t know google will translate oops it will probably translate some bullshit. This is the beginning of everything amazing. I hope my less talkative self talks hahaha, no one is gona want to hear you blaming me (the voice of anxiety being bitchy at this moment) mementos guide me( SMELL, TOUCH, SIGHT, TASTE, HEARING…lemme consider VISION, INTIUTION and SPIRITS).
14 June 2019: 7h40 am
Oh, shit I smell like a bad habit, WTF is this smell why do I smell like a whole year of not bathing? I am prepared to smell like this shit I am wearing a dress hahaha and Lana Del Ray- Born to die keeps depressing but she saying the truth ( feet don’t fail me now, take me to the finish) me: ‘’driver don’t fail us now take us to the Cape that’s my finish line oops a beginning line cos man I haven’t been anyway”. I don’t see where I am but I have faith in this person driving this bus, how many people are driving this bus vele? I guess you and you are laughing so peacefully, and I can still feel your hugs fam, I now all are watching over me. My goal is to make you and my family and my grandmothers proud. I am tired and need to pee hope the next stop is near, I am a bit tired. Will I even reach Cape Town it seems like we’ve been driving but I can’t wait to see Cape Town patience be with me. I can’t wait to get started on my series. Oh gosh studio work!! I hate working in the studio though, but I guess new discoveries are yet to unfold so doing this will be inspirational.
19 June 2019
My series this week is dedicated to Nkcubeko Balani, the photographs I have produced so far didn’t come out the way I had vision. I guess this series will be the way it is supposed to be. Anxiety and a lot of fear can’t seem to get away from I am feeling weird, but I am going to do this because wow these white walls (OH HEY GREEN SCREEN). The happy feeling and excitement overwhelm me, and it turns to anxiety fast.
20 June 2019
I know you here within this different space, I started imagining myself as 24 years old you during that time I started to feel uncomfortable but it’s a different time now so I will relax. I can’t seem to recall the first time I heard the song playing in the background ‘’too late for mama by Brenda fassie covered done by Mpho Sebina, and my concept isjust that taking what is already there and making it exist again through self-portraiture also memories and the spiritual side of shadows.